Someone shit on the floor
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's the barista slut.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
