In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
