do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
