I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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