Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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