just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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