i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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