omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
