I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Girls should come with a carfax report
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
