Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
