Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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