i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
