I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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