Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Less talking, more tequila
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
