epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
