Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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