I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
