If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
