i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
