Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
