I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
