Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
