I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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