Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
