So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
