Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
