If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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