Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
