even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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