i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
