Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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