dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
only if we run a train.
done.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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