So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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