The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
