non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
