You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
