We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
