I could make wine with my vomit
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
