There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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