Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
