Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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