can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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