If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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