I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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