google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
