yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
