Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
