Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize