god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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