my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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