well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
