Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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