It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
