When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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