I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
