maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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