I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
