Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My ass is underappreciated
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
