shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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