i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
