just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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