we're chasing vodka with high fives
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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