your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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