piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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