We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
