I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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