My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am spending my child support on dildos
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
