please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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