I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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