Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
