There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
