Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
