she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
