Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
