hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
