All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
