who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
